Melted Candle Wax
by fragrantpharaoh
Summary: Keroro enlists Kululu's help and puts a new plan into place that will make him and his platoon stronger, and, he thinks, will guarantee them the invasion. Soon, however, Keroro and Kululu start to wonder if perhaps they've made a mistake...
1. Chapter 1

**daaaaaamn fragrantpharaoh, back at it again with those Sgt. Frog fanfictions!**

 **Yup, here I am! I finally started writing a fic that I've wanted to do for a long time now, and I'm happy with how it is turning out so far. Sorry that the chapter is so short, not all of them will be like that. Lmao and sorry that the cover is so shitty, I did it in like 4 minutes.**

 **As usual, I'm using gijinkas in this fic, and it takes place very shortly after the show ends, so that they've been on Pekopon for, like, 7 years now.**

 **Be sure to leave a review and PM me with any questions!**  
 **Enjoy~!**

* * *

Natsumi slumped through the front door and dropped her bag on the floor. "Ugh…," she groaned, kicking her shoes off. She slouched up the low step in the entryway and headed to the living room. The sweat dripping off her face and arms and the dejected way she walked gave off the appearance that she was melting. Her socks were so sweaty that they left footprints of moisture on the floor. Gross. She would have to make Keroro mop that up later.

"Fuyu-ki…," she called weakly. "It's _so ho-ot_ …"

Fuyuki glanced up at her from the book he was reading and gave her a sympathetic look. "I know," he said, "the guy on the news said it was supposed to be over forty degrees today."

"Too hot…," Natsumi complained, draping herself on the couch that was gratefully cool against her skin. She heard the air conditioner kick on and breathed a little sigh of relief.

"That's why smart people stay indoors when it's hot," piped up Keroro from the kitchen. He stood in front of the sink wearing his frilly pink apron and washing dishes.

"It's not like I had any choice," Natsumi replied from the couch. She didn't feel like she had energy to be mad, even at Keroro. "I had practice today."

Keroro squirted some lemony soap onto his sponge and started scrubbing a greasy pan clean. "If it were me, Miss Natsumi, I wouldn't have gone. I mean, really, is volleyball worth the heat stroke…?"

"I wasn't at volleyball practice today, dummy; that's on Tuesday." Natsumi rolled onto her stomach and rested her cheek against the soft fabric of the couch. "I had wrestling today."

Keroro looked around at her in mild interest. "I didn't know you wrestled."

"I started last week… it's _ha-ard_..." She closed her eyes against the sun that shone in through the window. "All the other kids are so much heavier… I don't stand a chance with my naturally slim body…"

"I suppose steroids are always an option." Giroro came in through the sliding glass door. He had plainly been listening in on their conversation. The tip of his nose and patches on his cheeks beneath his eyes were pink with sunburn. He closed his eyes and leaned against the doorjamb. Even from where she was sitting, Natsumi could smell his sweat.

"I'm not gonna take steroids, Giroro, that's ridiculous." Natsumi buried her face in the couch cushion.

"You could be stronger, like a real soldier."

"I'm not a soldier, you freak," replied Natsumi, her voice a little muffled. Fuyuki chuckled.

Keroro squinted around at them for a moment, then asked, "What are these 'steroids' you speak of?

"It's chemicals you can take that make you strong and improve your performance in sports and stuff," Fuyuki explained.

"Make you… stronger?" Keroro inquired, his interest clearly being piqued again. He glanced at Giroro. "Like a super-soldier?"

"Something like that," Giroro replied before returning outside.

A dark, mischievous look settled over Keroro's face. Fuyuki recognized the sergeant's scheming look and quickly said, "Sarge, don't try anything, okay? Natsumi doesn't need a steroid."

"Yeah, don't you dare even _think_ of doing anything to me. I don't want to be all buff, anyway. I think that I might quit wrestling," Natsumi said, sitting up and shooting the sergeant a look.

"No, no…" Keroro said placidly, returning to his dishes. "I won't do anything to you…"

"You better not."

"I won't, I swear."

"Alright…"

Keroro finished his dishes as soon as he could and headed for the underground base.

* * *

Keroro arrived at Kululu's room and knocked on the door. "Sergeant major!" He called, sounding like a caterwauling animal.

There was a brief fuzz of static feedback before he heard Kululu reply in a bored-sounding voice, "What do you want?"

"I need you to make something!" Keroro shifted his weight back and forth and put his hands on his hips. "Just let me in, will you?"

"Yeah, alright," was the response before Kululu's door slid open.

Kululu was sitting with his back to Keroro. His fingers clicked rapidly across the keyboard. The blue of his computer screen was reflected on the floor, Keroro noticed. Perhaps Kululu had recently waxed the floor?

Keroro stared at the screen for a moment (the sergeant major was writing out long strings of binary code), and then he stepped forward and said, "I want you to make something for me, Sergeant Major Kululu."

"Oh, yeah?" Kululu turned around. He sounded as though he was only pretending to be interested.

"Yes." Keroro fidgeted with one of his hat-flaps. "I want you to make a steroid. A really powerful one!"

"What do you want that for?"

"If we all give ourselves steroids and turn into super-soldiers, then we'll be able to invade this planet easily, yes sir!"

Kululu crossed his knees and rested his head on his hand. "We'll need to test it out before we all take it, in case there's any adverse side effects. I suggest," he said, grinning, "testing it out on Corporal Giroro before we try it ourselves."

"That's fine," Keroro said indifferently. "How long do you need to prepare?"

"A few days. But we'll have to wait at least a week to see how it affects the corporal." Kululu's glasses glinted as he cocked his head slightly and rose an eyebrow. "This sounds fun."

"Good!" Keroro said, giving Kululu a thumbs-up. "Get started on that as soon as possible, sergeant major."

"Roger that."

Keroro walked out of the room again, completely unaware that he had just made the first in a series of grave mistakes.


	2. Chapter 2

**~new chapter~**

 **~be sure to leave a review~**

* * *

Kululu set his empty curry plate in his lap and crossed his legs, thinking.

Kululu had never made a steroid before. He wasn't quite sure how. He didn't doubt, of course, his power to do so, but he decided to do research beforehand so that what he created was effective on Giroro.

What exactly went into making a steroid, anyway?

After just a quick glance over some information, Kululu saw that the main thing he should focus on was the male sex hormone testosterone. Other chemicals were a part of steroids as well, such as an anti-inflammatory drug and sometimes caffeine, but Kululu decided that, since Giroro was likely to be the one and only person to use his steroid (he was expecting Keroro to get cold feet once he saw the negative side effects and back out of the plan), that he would only bother with the testosterone.

Okay, create a massive synthetic dose of testosterone, get it into Giroro.  
That didn't sound too hard.

What was hard was trying to decide how to deliver the hormone.

Typically, hormones were taken over time in several doses. Kululu doubted that he would be able to manage giving Giroro multiple doses of the steroid, seeing as how the corporal almost certainly would be unhappy receiving the first one.

Kululu recalled reading about a type of birth control implant that worked by slowly releasing small measured amounts hormones over time. Perhaps he could give Giroro an implant?

He did some brief calculating in his head and decided that, yes, it should be possible.

Kululu sat back in his chair. In his opinion, the hard part was over. He could handle making things easily. It was figuring out how to do it that was hard sometimes.

* * *

Over the next few days, Kululu searched for an opportunity to give Giroro the implant, but he found no such thing. He would have to catch Giroro off-guard to do it, and the ideal time would preferably be when the corporal didn't have a weapon in his hands in case he took being given a steroid against his will badly.

On Monday, one week precisely after Keroro had first gotten the idea for his 'grand plan', the platoon, minus Dororo, sat in the meeting room, having yet another pointless discussion about the invasion.

Keroro hadn't mentioned the steroid to Kululu since giving him the initial orders, and the sergeant was also continuing with their regularly scheduled invasion meeting as though he hadn't already set a plan in motion. Kululu wondered if perhaps Keroro had forgotten about the whole idea.

Soon, very soon, Keroro and Giroro had gotten into an argument. It was over the same old thing, something relating to the invasion (Kululu thought it was terribly boring and didn't bother to listen to their squabbling, but he knew the drill and got the gist).

Kululu thumbed a button on his iPod and turned up his music. He rested his chin in his hand and gazed sleepily at Giroro as he spat with rage.

Kululu's eyebrows raised slightly as he suddenly recognized his opportunity. Quickly, while the corporal was still distracted, he slunk down to his lab and retrieved the syringe that held the implant before returning to the meeting room.

Giroro had stood up at his seat and was leaning forward over the table, one half of a screaming match with Keroro.

Kululu came up behind him and glanced around furtively before removing the cap from the needle. He flicked the syringe a couple of times, removing any air bubbles there may have been and sending little flecks of lubricant flying.

He grabbed onto Giroro's upper arm and, before the corporal had a chance to react, stuck the thick needle underneath his skin and pushed down on the plunger.

" _What the hell are you doing?!_ " Giroro jerked his arm away from Kululu and stepped back. His pupils constricted and a horrible look of anger crossed over his face. He roughly pulled the syringe out of his arm, and then grabbed Kululu by the shirtfront. " _What the hell was that, you bastard?!_ " he demanded.

"Hormones," Kululu replied promptly in a sing-song tone. "It's a steroid implant."

" _What?!_ " Kululu laughed and Giroro harshly shook him, knocking Kululu's glasses a little askew. " _Why-would-you-do-that?!_ " Giroro punctuated each word with a shake.

Kululu pointed at Keroro. "I was acting on orders, baby cakes."

Giroro turned around and glared at Keroro. His grip on Kululu's shirt loosened and Kululu stepped away from him and returned to his seat at the table.

Keroro shrank back briefly under Giroro's harsh gaze, but then he straightened up and said, "Well, it was kind of your idea anyway, corporal!"

"When did I say 'give me a steroid', you son of a bitch?!"

"You said that Natsumi should take a steroid and be strong! You said-"

Giroro slapped him. Keroro looked offended. Kululu briefly wondered if a fistfight was imminent, but Keroro said nothing and Giroro didn't initiate any further attack. He turned back to Kululu.

"Is there," the corporal asked, fighting to keep himself calm, "any way to get this thing out of me?"

"Nope," Kululu lied. "You're stuck with it. I guess you'll just have to deal with the new massive amounts of testosterone in your system, ku ku ku…"

Giroro looked like he wanted to hit Kululu as well, but, much to the sergeant major's satisfaction, he didn't.

"What's going to happen to me?" Giroro asked.

"Think of it as going through puberty again, but with a vengeance."

Giroro made a low growling sound in his throat before turning and stalking out of the room.

Keroro exchanged a glance with Tamama (who had been sitting completely unfazed throughout the entire exchange), and then shakily said, "U-um… meeting adjourned…"

* * *

 **Ah, Giroro. My long-suffering, sweet, summer child.**


	3. Chapter 3

**~(˘▾˘~) (~˘▾˘)~  
**

* * *

A few days later, on Friday, the platoon and the Hinatas were fighting their way through traffic to get to the airport; Fuyuki was going on a field trip with his class to Egypt. It was something he had talked of profusely for the past five weeks.

When they arrived at the airport, Fuyuki spotted his group and hurriedly got his luggage from the trunk. Aki looked tiredly at the crowds in the airport and said, "Since we can't go through security or anything with you anyway, let's say goodbye here and you can go up and get checked in with your group, okay?"

"Okay," Fuyuki replied, excited. He hugged his mom and sister and Keroro and said goodbye to the others, and then rushed off to where his teacher stood surrounded by a group of adolescents. He was greeted by Momoka, and, after the teacher was seen doing a brief head count, the group went into the airport through its double glass doors.

Aki looked a little troubled. "Oh… maybe I should have gone up there with him…"

"He'll be fine, Mama," Natsumi said dismissively.

"Yes, Mrs. Mama, I'm sure that Fuyuki will be just fine," Keroro said brightly. "You cannot baby him forever, no sir!"

Aki smiled. "I guess you're right. He's gonna have such a nice time."

"When does he get back?" Dororo asked.

"In a couple weeks."

"Maybe he'll have a tan when he gets back!"

They laughed and piled back into the car.

A while later the group was filing into the house. Keroro stretched and turned to Giroro. "You know," he said, "I've been thinking."

Giroro squinted at him. "About the invasion?"

"What? No," Keroro replied. "I've been thinking that we should go to the beach."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Are we ever even going to get this done?"

"Shush." Giroro's face flushed dangerously. Kululu chuckled at him. Keroro glanced at the wall clock. "You know, we have time today. It's still early."

"I think that that would be nice," Dororo said. "It's good to go to the sea every now and then to-"

"Come on, everyone get ready, let's go!" Keroro cut in.

He and Tamama rushed downstairs to the basement to get ready to go, but Giroro stayed where he was and leaned against the wall. Kululu walked over to him and asked, "How do you feel, corporal?"

"Like I want to fucking murder you."

"That's nice."

"Is this ever going to stop?" Giroro asked.

"That implant is good for a few years, corporal."

"I fucking hate you."

Kululu laughed and walked off. Some time later, the others were ready to leave and the platoon headed to the beach.

* * *

Kululu watched from the shade of a tree on the sand as the others frolicked about the beach. Dororo was floating serenely on his back over a hundred feet out from the shore. Keroro and Tamama were investigating crabs in a shallow pool a little ways away. A few feet from where Kululu sat, right at the shoreline, was Giroro, the waves lapping up over his legs.

His shirt was off, and Kululu observed his body like a miser observes his money. The sergeant major's eyes flicked over his bare chest to his arms, where he froze. Giroro, he noticed now, was looking considerably more muscly than usual. Did the testosterone work that fast? His abs were more defined as well.

Kululu looked at his face and throat, and saw that his Adam's apple looked larger and his facial hair was thicker. He had just seen Giroro shaving this morning; it must have already grown in again.

"Hot damn," Kululu said aloud. Giroro looked around.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing. The extra testosterone looks good on you, ku ku ku."

"Fuck off."

Kululu scooted himself over to Giroro and poked him in the cheek. "You have pimples too! Just like a teenager," he said. Giroro put a hand on Kululu's shoulder and roughly pushed him over. The sergeant major's face collided with the hot sand and stuck to his skin and lips. He brushed it away and removed his glasses, wiping them off on his shirt. "You don't have to be so pissy, you know. You aren't _really_ a moody teen."

"I really hate that you did this to me, Kululu," Giroro said. With that, he stood and walked off.

Kululu laughed a little, but without much humor. Giroro's discomfort wasn't as funny as it had been at first.

 _Well_ , he thought to himself, _I guess I'll take the implant out for him in a few days_.

* * *

When the sun's baking journey across the sky was coming to a close, Keroro called everyone together and suggested that they go to the boardwalk.  
They decided that it would be a nice way to end the day, so they set off.

The slightly worn boards creaked beneath their feet as the platoon wound through the crowds, their sunburned faces stinging and their saltwater-damaged hair sticking up in spikes and flips.

Tamama and Keroro pulled the others over to a takoyaki stand, and while they waited in the obnoxiously long line, a few mice scurried across their path. Kululu stooped down and caught one of them in his fist, displaying his actually razor-sharp reflexes that were so rarely outwardly shown. The mouse squealed wildly in his hand and attempted to bite his fingers, but Kululu made sure his skin was out of its reach.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kululu heard from behind him. He turned around and saw Giroro looking at him, perplexed.

Kululu darted around for an excuse. What he really wanted to do with the mouse was test out a virus he had been perfecting, but he thought that Giroro would likely try to stop him, so he lied. "I'm trying to create a machine that runs only on mouse-generated power," he said, coming up with the idea on the spot. He pointed to the rodent in his hand. "I need him to run in a wheel."

Giroro rolled his eyes and said something like, "You fucking weirdo."

Kululu held the mouse closely against his chest, hoping it would calm down a little and stop squirming so much. It did, to some extent, but maybe it was just tired. When they got back home a few hours later, Kululu put the mouse in a cage and gave it water before he went to bed. He slept fitfully that night, and awoke the next morning with dark circles of exhaustion.

* * *

 **the part where he points at the mouse and talks about mouse-generate power is so fukkn funny to me omg**


	4. Chapter 4

**wassup~**

 **new chapter~ bet u feel pretty l-u-c-k-y~**

 **This fanfiction is planned to be very short. At the end, it'll likely only be about 7 chapters, give or take, so at this point we're fairly close to the end. Why's it so short? Who knooooows. What's going to happen? I don't knoooooow.  
(lol yea I do I know exactly what's gonna happen)**

* * *

Kululu absentmindedly stroked the mouse's little head with one finger. It sat perfectly still, either trusting at this point that Kululu didn't plan to hurt it or so scared that it couldn't move. Kululu didn't care either way.

The sergeant major completed his preparations and plucked the mouse from the cage by its scruff. It bucked a little, but mostly did not resist. He held up a syringe.

"This is a modified rabies virus, mouse. It might make you sick. It might just make you angry or afraid of water. I'm not sure what will happen." Kululu spoke in a low, quiet voice. He lifted the rodent level with his face and grinned at it. "No, I take that back. It'll probably make you sick. I haven't ever done this before. I'm not sure if I did it right. I wanted it to have effects similar to that of cocaine, but still with all the dazzle of rabies…" Kululu stuck the thin needle, much thinner than the one he used on Giroro, into the mouse's belly. "But I'm not sure if I did it right…"

He put the mouse back in its cage. It ran a couple laps around the perimeter, squeaking, and then it snuggled down and went to sleep.

"We'll see, I guess."

* * *

"I never said that I didn't _want_ to invade-"

"You fucking did ten seconds ago!"

"I said that I just didn't want to try to think of an idea _right now_! And don't shout at me!"

" _You're_ shouting at _me_!"

" _No, I'm not!_ "

Keroro and Giroro were arguing again, much to the indifference of Tamama and Dororo. Their arguing was not an uncommon occurrence in the meeting room.

Giroro and Keroro were both standing now. Insults were thrown, people were pushed, and soon enough there was a fight on their hands.

Tamama leaned his seat on its back legs and methodically sucked on a lollipop, unconcerned. Fighting was like a sport to Keroro and Giroro, it seemed.

The private did understand the appeal of a good fistfight, though he didn't get himself into them all that often. Keroro and Giroro, however, were always at each other's throat and they appeared to enjoy it. It was a way to blow off steam, Tamama guessed.

Today, though, something seemed different. Giroro was saying some really nasty things, using words that he normally didn't, and the sound of his fists colliding with Keroro's body was a lot louder than usual.

Tamama removed the candy from his mouth with an audible 'gluck' sound and said, "Hey... are you guys okay?"

" _He's a fucking idiot!_ " Giroro replied.

The two of them were rolling around on the floor now. Giroro got himself on top, and Keroro was unable to throw him off. Keroro, despite being just as angry as Giroro was, registered that something was wrong as well. The sergeant found himself to be no match for Giroro. He didn't even remember about the steroid, but he knew that it was a much more uneven fight than it should have been.

Giroro mercilessly pummeled him, spitting obscenities.

"Stop it, corporal!" Keroro gasped. Giroro did not stop. "You're hurting me!"

Tamama and Dororo stepped in now. They each held onto one of Giroro's arms and attempted to drag him off of Keroro. Giroro elbowed Tamama in the face, and Tamama felt his nose break with a crunch.

" _Oh, you motherfucker!_ " the private shouted, clutching his face that now was flooding blood.

* * *

Down in his lab, Kululu had his head resting on his hand, and he had been right on the verge of sleep when a beeping notification sound alerted him of some disturbance in the house. He flicked a switch and selected the camera in the meeting room. The disturbance was nothing more than a fistfight between Keroro and Giroro. Nothing to worry about. He watched them scuffle for a moment, and then he saw as Giroro's elbow and Tamama's face collided with a cracking sound.

"Oh, shit," the sergeant major muttered. It seemed like it was getting a little out of hand, so he went up to help.

By the time he got there, it was mostly resolved, but there was still a lot of yelling.

"You maniac!" Keroro shouted at Giroro. "You broke Tamama's nose!"

"None of this would have happened if you weren't such a _goddamn_ failure!" the corporal retorted.

Keroro shook his head in disbelief. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"It's the testosterone, sergeant," Kululu said.

"The what?"

"The testosterone. The steroid."

"Oh…" Keroro glanced around guiltily. "You didn't tell me it would make him hate me…," he mumbled.

"He doesn't hate you," Kululu replied. He held up a hand to silence Giroro, who had angrily tried to interject. "The corporal is a hostile person at the best of times. Putting more testosterone in his system makes him feel the need to be dominant and to act aggressively."

There was a silence, broken only by the sound of Giroro idly cracking his knuckles. Then Natsumi stormed in.

"What the hell are you guys doing down here? You're so loud!" she said moodily. She glared around at them and noticed Tamama. "Jeez, did someone break your nose?" Without waiting for an answer, she ordered, "Get yourselves cleaned up and then one of you better get your ass upstairs and make dinner. Mama's going to be home soon, so don't take long."

"Ah…" Keroro squinted around. Bruises had begun to show on his face and his lip was cut open. "Kululu, you make dinner tonight, 'kay?"

"Nah…," Kululu replied, making for the door.

"Kululu, that's an order!"

Kululu turned around. Tamama had to clean his face of blood, Keroro and Giroro needed to attend to their various injuries, and Dororo had mysteriously disappeared… It looked like he was the only one without an excuse not to do it.

"Tch. Alright."

* * *

The sound of Aki's motorcycle engine died down and a minute later, the front door opened. "I'm home!" she called.

"Hi, Mama!" Natsumi greeted.

"Good evening, Mrs. Mama!" Keroro said cheerfully, taking her coat.

Aki saw his battered face and her eyebrows raised. She glanced over at Tamama and Giroro, both injured as well, and gasped. "Oh, my god, is your nose broken?" she asked, gesturing to the private. "Did you guys get into a fistfight?"

Giroro looked up. "Oh… no, sir, we didn't have a fight. I just tripped. Tamama tripped too. We fell down the stairs," Keroro said, hoping that he sounded convincing.

"That's terrible! Are you guys okay?"

"Yes, ma'am, we're fine!" Keroro scratched the back of his head. "Would you like dinner?"

"I would," Aki replied. "It smells divine! What is it?"

Kululu slid in from the kitchen. "Curry."

"That sounds good."

Aki went upstairs to her room to change, and once she returned everyone sat down for dinner. The curry was delicious. No matter what people may have ever said about Kululu, it was undeniable that he could cook.

Natsumi asked Aki about her day, and Aki was halfway through telling a story about something her boss had done earlier when Kululu sharply jumped, as if startled by something. Everyone fell silent and looked around at him.

Giroro raised an eyebrow. "You okay?"

Kululu couldn't respond for a moment. He sat, frozen with horror, his mouth slightly agape. But then he closed his lips and composed himself and said, "Yes. I'm fine."

After a couple of perplexed looks, the others went back to what they had been talking about, not giving Kululu's behavior much thought.

However, Kululu was _not_ fine. He was not fine because he had just had a horrible realization. He had not washed his hands before preparing the curry, which meant that he had just fed everyone in the house food that was contaminated by a rabies virus.

He didn't know what would happen. He didn't know if the virus could be transferred that way. Though, in the back of his head, he knew that _of course_ it could.

What would happen to them? Kululu had vaccinated himself before he had begun messing with the rabies virus, but the others were unprotected.

He sighed a little, and thought, _We'll see, I guess._

* * *

 **haha oops**

 **~I _w_ o _n_ d _e_ r w _h_ a _t_ 's _g_ o _n_ n _a_ _h_ a _p_ p _e_ n~**

 **(Be sure to leave a review! :V)**


	5. Chapter 5

**ding dong bing bong**

* * *

Keroro stood over the bathroom sink with his mouth open. A seemingly endless stream of saliva poured from his mouth, as if he were seconds away from throwing up. However, he did not feel sick.

The sergeant had noticed strange things happening to him lately, and the excess salivation was just one of them. He had been experiencing insomnia and having problems swallowing as well. He wondered if he was getting the flu, but he had no flu symptoms besides running a slight fever.

 _Maybe it's allergies or something_ , Keroro thought, but there was doubt in his mind.

He rinsed his mouth out and washed down the sink before exiting the bathroom and walking down to the base.

He made his way down to the gym, where he expected to find Giroro. The corporal was in the gym more often than not nowadays.

Sure enough, Giroro was there. He was running on a treadmill. There were large sweat stains on his shirt and his face was shiny and flushed.

"Hey, corporal," Keroro greeted.

A grunt was all he got as an answer. He went over to where Giroro was running. The timer on the treadmill showed that he had been going for over an hour.

"How have you been feeling lately, Giroro?"

Giroro slowed the treadmill to a stop and patted his face with a towel. "What?"

"Do you feel like you're getting sick or anything?"

"Is this because of that fucking steroid you gave me?" Giroro asked, grabbing a dumbbell.

"No, no," Keroro replied, "I've been feeling a little weird lately. I was wondering if you felt it too."

"Weird how?" Giroro curled the weight towards his shoulder, the muscles in his arm rippling powerfully.

"Like, I kind of have a fever, I've been having a little trouble swallowing, I have wa-ay more saliva than usual… stuff like that."

"I don't know about the other stuff, but I noticed that I've got a lot of saliva too. I had assumed it was because of the steroid," Giroro replied, switching the dumbbell to his other arm.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Huh." Keroro idly picked a spot on his chin.

Giroro glared up at him. "Was that all?"

"No, I also want to know why you got a raging erection during this conversation."

Giroro blushed and crossed his legs. "I… It was just the way I was sitting."

"Yeah, sure." Keroro yawned. "I'm gonna go to the store, okay? Anything you want?"

Giroro didn't reply.

"Alright. Bye, corporal." Keroro turned and left the room.

* * *

Keroro blearily examined the bottles in his hand. His mind felt fuzzy with fatigue and he kept spacing out. He had to make himself focus and read the labels.

One of them was sleeping pills. The other was caffeine pills. He had to make a decision: Either he use sleeping pills to sleep, or he accept his insomnia and try to stay awake.

Both labels said that their contents were addictive, so that wasn't a factor. He tried to weigh the pros and cons, but he found himself too exhausted to do so. He put the sleeping pills back and took the caffeine pills to the counter.

The checkout lady was helpful and cheery, two things that for some reason seemed to make Keroro simultaneously angry and choked up, like he was going to cry.

But he didn't. He bought the pills and took two of them as soon as he got outside the store.

By the time Keroro got home, he noticed that he felt considerably better. The caffeine had kicked in and he felt more energetic. It hadn't done anything for his other symptoms, but at least he could think straight now.

He saw Tamama heading down to the base and asked, "Where are you goin', private?"

"To the meeting room. Kululu said he wanted to talk to everyone," Tamama replied.

"Oh," Keroro said, "I didn't know; I was at the store."

Kululu was sitting at the head of the table when Keroro and Tamama entered the meeting room. Giroro sat at his right hand.

"What did you want, sergeant major?" Keroro asked, sitting down at the table.

Kululu flipped the whiteboard over with a flourish and exposed the writing on the other side.

His robotically neat and pristine handwriting read:

 **Have you or someone you love noticed…**

 **Any excess salivation?**

 **Irritation/anxiety?**

 **Trouble swallowing?**

 **A low-grade fever?**

 **An aversion to water?**

 **Pain and tingling in your extremities/genitals?**

 **Insomnia?**

 **If you have experienced any of these in the last 12 days, I regret to inform you that you are infected with a modified strain of the rabies virus.**

 **I infected you.**

 **Sorry.**

 **\- SGM 966**

Everyone stared at the whiteboard for a few moments. They were stunned into silence, and then-

" _What?!_ " Giroro looked back and forth between Kululu and the writing. "You fucking infected us with _rabies_?"

"Yeah," Kululu replied lazily, leaning his chair back on two legs. "It was an accident. I didn't mean to-"

Giroro stood and grabbed a pencil that was lying on the table. He stabbed it into Kululu's arm.

"Agh!" Kululu's seat tipped over and he fell, gasping with pain. The pencil stuck out from his skin, making a right angle to his forearm. Blood bubbled up from the wound. Kululu grabbed onto the pencil and tugged it out of his flesh. "You crazy bitch!"

" _You're the crazy one!_ " Giroro yelled, his voice sounding deeper than usual. " _You gave all of us rabies! What is the matter with you?!_ "

"It was an _accident_ ," Kululu said. His stab wound bled profusely. He grabbed a towel off of the table and used it to apply pressure to his arm. He removed it almost at once. It felt as though he had been burned. "Shit, what was on that?"

Giroro glared at him. "Sweat," he said simply.

"Gross." Kululu looked around at them. "It's not that big of a deal, you know."

" _You_ -"

"All you need to do is take antibiotics. It'll only be a few months until you're cured…"

"A couple of months?!" Tamama asked incredulously. "Are you kidding me?!"

Kululu dropped the towel and covered his arm with his hand instead. "Just a course of shots in your stomach every three days…"

"How the hell did this even happen?" Keroro asked furiously.

"I had been messing with the virus before I made the curry the other night, forgot to wash my hands…" Blood seeped up in between Kululu's fingers.

"You waited a _week_ to tell us about this?"

"I would have told you sooner, but I needed to wait and see if any symptoms presented themselves."

Keroro said, "You really don't make our lives any easier, you know, Sergeant Major Kululu," and then he stood and sauntered out of the room.

Tamama went with him, leaving just Giroro and Kululu.

Kululu glanced up at Giroro, who was glaring daggers at him. He looked back down at his arm. Kululu mumbled something about, "Going to the infirmary," and left.

* * *

 **Giroro isn't that nice right now lol  
**

 **He does have fair reason to be angry though**

 **I love him**


	6. Chapter 6

**Good evening~ Here's a new chapter~**

* * *

On Tuesday morning, the platoon was greeted in the kitchen by Angol Mois. She had breakfast on the stove and she was singing merrily.

"Mois! What are you doing here?" Keroro exclaimed, accepting her hug. "I thought you were visiting your father."

"I was, but I wanted to come back so I could spend my birthday with you, Uncle!"

"That's tomorrow, right?" Giroro asked.

"Uh-huh!" Mois sat Keroro down at the table and put a plate in front of him. She slid a couple of eggs and some thick-cut bacon onto his plate along with toast.

"Thank you, Mois!"

Keroro set about eating his breakfast and Giroro glared at him.

"You're a disgrace," the corporal told him.

Keroro playfully poked Giroro in the rib with his fork. Giroro tutted.

"Would you like some breakfast, Corporal Giroro?" Mois asked.

"No, Mois."

Kululu slid into the room with a fork in his hand. He stole a slice of Keroro's bacon off his plate and sat down on the edge of the table.

"I'm working on the antibiotics, corporal," he said quietly. Giroro gave him the finger. "It'll be ready in a few days."

They heard the front door open and Tamama called out in a sing-song voice, "Ser-geant! Are you up yet?" The private walked in through the living room door. When he saw Mois, his face screwed up like he had eaten something sour. "What the _hell_ is she doing here?!"

"Good morning, private!" Keroro greeted. "Mois came back for her birthday tomorrow!"

"No! You said that she would be gone until next Friday! She was supposed to-"

"Do you want some bacon, Private Tamama?" Mois asked brightly.

Tamama kicked her in the shin. She fell backwards onto the lit stove, and her shirt caught on fire.

"Oh!" she exclaimed.

Giroro rushed forward at once and patted the flame out with a towel.

"Ow…" Mois eyes shone with tears.

"Tamama, what is wrong with you, sir?!"

"She's-"

Giroro roughly pushed him backwards. Tamama fell and landed heavily on his rear end. He swore under his breath and stormed out of the room. They heard him slam the door as he left the house.

"Well…" Keroro wrung his hands uncertainly. "It's nice to see you, Mois…"

* * *

Tamama returned the next day and stiffly apologized, and he even muttered a happy birthday to Mois.

Natsumi went out to the store in the afternoon and came back with baking supplies.

"I have to run back out again; I've got soccer today. One of you make Mois a birthday cake, okay?" She hurried upstairs to get changed. In five minutes, she had left the house again with a, "'Bye, I'll be back by six!"

Keroro lazily turned a page of his manga. "Ahh… Tamama, why don't you make the cake?"

"I don't want to bake for that-"

"Come on, please? I don't feel like it."

"Ask Aki to do it, I really-"

"Aki isn't here, she's at work. She said that she wouldn't get back until tomorrow morning."

"What about Giroro? Or Kululu?" Tamama asked hopefully.

"Kululu wouldn't do it if I asked, and I'm afraid to ask Giroro. He's been kind of a maniac lately," Keroro replied without looking up. "Just do it."

"Ugh."

Tamama went into the kitchen and got a bowl from the cupboard. He poured in flour, sugar, and baking powder and a dash of salt and whisked them together. He had made so many cakes by now that he had the recipes memorized and didn't even need to use measuring cups.

He found a separate bowl. He poured in milk and oil and cracked two eggs into it. He added a little bit of vanilla and gave it a stir before adding it to the dry ingredients. After he mixed all of it together he poured it into a pan that he didn't bother to grease or flour and popped it in the oven. He set the timer and sat down on the couch next to Keroro, who was now watching T.V.

"Thank you, Tamama," Keroro said. Tamama sighed a little and then grinned.

"You're welcome, Sarge."

Natsumi came home at six, like she had promised, and she brought Mois with her. Mois had gone out earlier to do some shopping.

"Oh, the cake smells good! Who made it?" Natsumi asked.

"Tamama did, ma'am!" Keroro answered promptly.

"I had forgotten to get stuff for frosting so I got a can when I was out." She put the can of frosting into Tamama's hand and then went up to take a shower.

Mois bustled by and set her bags on the counter. A bottle of facewash rolled out and fell on the floor and she leaned down to get it, giving everyone a full view of her panties.

 _You fucking whore_ , Tamama thought with disgust.

* * *

"Happy birthday, Mois!" Keroro said, smiling cheerfully at her. She blew out the candles on her cake and clapped excitedly.

Natsumi gave Tamama the order to cut the cake and then asked, "What did you wish for, Mois?" They sat on the couches in the living room.

Mois blushed. "I wished to be lovey-dovey with Uncle," she said sweetly.

Tamama felt his chest burning with hate and rage and jealousy. He called her every hateful name he could think of in his mind, and prevented himself from breaking something or hitting someone by stepping back into the kitchen and setting about cutting the cake into slices. Melted candle wax had dripped onto the cake from her lit candles and left little hardened medallions of pink wax on the icing.

Tamama's hand was shaking. He felt like he was going to burst if he didn't do something. He glanced over at Mois and quickly looked away again. He felt abhorrence unlike anything he had felt for anyone else pulsing in his mind and he suddenly found himself walking out of the kitchen into the garage. He had made a decision.

He glanced around for what he was looking for. He found it. He carefully poured out a little bit of it into the cap and took it back to the kitchen.

He poured the antifreeze onto one of the slices of cake and swirled it around the frosting with his finger. For a horrible moment, he thought that Kululu had been watching him, but then the sergeant major looked away and said nothing so he relaxed slightly. He wiped his hand off on his shirt and returned to the garage. He screwed the cap back on the bottle and felt a little rise of hysteria in his chest.

When he got back to the kitchen he made to grab the plates, but they were gone. He looked around frantically and saw with a flash of panic that someone had already passed the cake out.

"Oh, god…" Tamama mumbled.

"What, Tamama?"

"I-I…" Tamama licked his lips. "Nothing. Nothing, Sarge."

"Here's your cake!"

"Oh…"

"What?"

"I don't really want any, Sarge, I… I have a stomachache."

"Okay."

Tamama sat down shakily on the couch. He warily looked around at everyone eating the cake and felt a sickening feeling of fear in his stomach.

What if he had poisoned Keroro?! Or Giroro? Or Kululu? Or-

Natsumi gave a little groan.

"Are you okay, Natsumi?" Giroro asked.

"Yeah, I'm just kind of nauseous… I… I don't feel good."

"Do you-"

Natsumi gagged and then threw up in her lap.

"Natsumi!"

Her face was contorted with pain. She shakily tried to stand and collapsed. Her body was shaking and seizing. She gagged and convulsed. Her eyes seemed to bulge from her skull and suddenly there was a loud 'crack!' sound. She cried out in a strangled voice and coughed, sending blood spraying out in a thick stream.

Giroro's body was racked with sobs. He didn't know what was happening to her, and he didn't know how to help. He looked up and struggled to form words for a moment, and then through his tears he choked out, "K-Kululu!"

Kululu covered his mouth with his hand.

"H-h-help her! Please!" Giroro implored.

"I can't… I can't…"

Natsumi's breath was suddenly cut off. She looked around in panic, apparently unable to breathe. She struggled to draw breath, and couldn't.

Her face was turning blue, her hands grappled at thin air and then all at once, her body relaxed and she went still.

" _No…,_ " Giroro moaned, tears flowing down his face. " _What…?_ "

" _That was supposed to be for you, you_ _bitch!_ " Tamama screeched. He grabbed up a plate smeared with frosting and threw it at Mois. It hit her on the side of the head and she crumpled. Keroro flew to her side.

"Mois? Mois?!" Keroro's skin was pure white. He was too shocked and grief stricken to even cry. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, she isn't breathing, she's-!"

"Did…," Giroro said weakly, his voice shaky with grief. He looked at Tamama and a hardened expression set on his face. "Did you say you d-did this?"

Tamama didn't answer. He was afraid to. He shook his head slightly and said, "Well…"

Giroro stood and drew his handgun from its holster. He aimed it at Tamama and pulled the trigger.

Tamama swayed slightly on the spot, his eyes crossed in an attempt to look at the new hole in his head, and then he fell backwards and did not get back up again.

There was a ringing silence following the gunshot. Giroro's arm went limply to his side and the gun fell from his hand. He sank to his knees beside Natsumi's body and shuddered. His face was red from crying.

* * *

 **˙ ͜ʟ˙**


	7. Chapter 7

**The last chapter :'(**

 **I really hope you enjoyed this short tragedy.**

* * *

Kululu listened to the sound of Giroro's crying and felt like crying himself.

Kululu had never particularly cared for Natsumi or Tamama or Mois, but he felt grief all the same. Though mostly his feelings, he was sure, were purely sympathetic for those that were grieving the loss of their loved ones.

He was too stunned to even move his body, it seemed.

It was impossible to him that just a few minutes ago, those three people were alive and now they were dead. It didn't seem right.  
Was it that easy to die?

Kululu glanced at the bodies and hurriedly looked away, feeling a pang of something that burned. After a moment, he looked back down at them again. Tamama's eyes were still partially open.

The sergeant major shivered. Giroro sobbed profusely, his cries sounding like some kind of wounded animal.

Kululu slunk down onto the floor next to him. He felt a little better being closer to the corporal, but he had no idea what to say.

"This is your fault." Giroro's voice, though hoarse from crying, was steady.

"What?"

" _This is your fault_ …," Giroro repeated vehemently through his teeth.

"Giroro-"

Giroro lunged at Kululu and put his hands around the sergeant major's throat. He forced him to the ground on his back.

" _You fucking killed her, you fucking killed her, you fucking killed her!_ " he screamed.

Kululu desperately tried to pry Giroro's fingers away from his neck, but Giroro was simply too strong. He tried to throw him off, to push him away, but he wasn't able to. The sergeant major wondered if he could have saved himself had it not been for the steroid.

" _This-is-your-fault-your-fault-your-fault!_ " Giroro lifted Kululu's head up and banged it against the ground with each word he spoke. A surge of saliva poured from his mouth onto Kululu's face.

Kululu saw dark patches in his vision and started feeling lightheaded. He choked and beat the ground with his heels but Giroro did not lighten the pressure on his windpipe. Kululu wondered why the others weren't helping and then realized that the only person left was Keroro. Keroro must have thought that this was his fault as well. Or maybe he was too afraid to intervene.

Kululu stopped trying to pull Giroro's hands from his throat and instead placed his hands under Giroro's body and tried to push him off. It did not work, and Kululu knew that he only had a few seconds left before he suffocated.

How the hell did all of this even happen?! He did not know that he was going to die when he woke up this morning.

How did they get from celebrating Mois's birthday to suddenly almost everyone was dead?

Kululu was going to have to give up.

His mind feverishly went over the events of the last few minutes. Natsumi seizing and coughing up blood, Giroro's awful sobbing, Tamama getting shot, Giroro's expression when he first started strangling Kululu…

 _The gun!_

Kululu suddenly realized that the gun that Giroro had shot Tamama with was probably mere inches away. He stretched his fingers out and they brushed against the cool metal of the weapon. He brought it up to Giroro's head and squeezed the trigger.

The sound of the gunshot made Kululu's ears ring. Giroro's grip on his throat loosened. Giroro had a look of dull surprise on his face. He locked eyes with Kululu for a moment before collapsing on top of him.

Kululu gasped for air and forced himself to not think about what he'd done. He caught his breath for a few minutes, only focusing on how much it hurt to breathe and how swollen his throat felt.

As soon as his brain was sufficiently supplied with oxygen again, Kululu started to feel panic set in. His heart was throbbing in his bruised and burning throat. His fingertips felt numb. He could hear the blood rushing loudly in his ears. Giroro's blood dripped onto Kululu's face, and Kululu, as if from very far away, heard the sound of something breaking.

 _Oh, my god… Oh, my god… I shot Giroro! I did it! I killed him! I murdered him, I-_

Kululu wrapped his arms around Giroro. The corporal's head was nestled in the crook of Kululu's shoulder and for a moment Kululu just held onto him like they were lovers.

Kululu hadn't even realized that he was crying until he let out a harsh sob and suddenly felt a stab of pain in his throat. Hyperventilating a little, he pushed Giroro off of him and sat up.

Giroro looked a lot younger when he was dead. _Oh, my god_ , Kululu thought, _I don't even know how old he was! I never asked! I don't even know-_

But it didn't matter how old Giroro was. He was dead.

Kululu brushed a bit of hair away from Giroro's still-warm forehead and then looked at Keroro.

The sergeant had his knees pulled up to his chest and his head resting on his lap. His body was shaking with barely-suppressed grief.

Kululu twirled a lock of hair between his fingers and then pulled it out.  
"… Sergeant?" he croaked.

Keroro screamed. He leaned back against the couch and covered his ears with his hands and screamed. It was a horrible sound. His voice was shrill and loud and he screamed until his voice went out, which didn't take long.

A minute passed in silence, and then the door opened.

"Keroro?" Dororo said. "Is everything alright? I heard you-" The lance corporal walked into the living room and froze. His eyes grew wide with horror and for a few moments he seemed unable to speak. " _Oh, my god!_ "

He stepped forward, looking around at the carnage, and then thick tears started leaking down his face. He knelt, looking defeated, by Keroro's side and sobbed. " _W-w-what happened?!_ "

No one was able to answer.

Kululu continued plucking locks of hair from his head. A feeling of almost undeniable fatigue washed over him and he longed to sleep. He clutched Giroro's gun tightly in his hand and for once found himself considering something he never had before. But he couldn't.

Not yet, anyway.

Kululu stood up and crossed to the opposite side of the living room. He turned on the radio and listened to the 1950's song play for a few minutes before he realized with a start that there wasn't actually a song on the radio, just static.

An unidentifiable buzzing filled his ears and he punched the wall. His fist went right through the thin drywall and left a good-sized hole. His knuckles started bleeding.

Punching a hole in the wall was something that Giroro would have done, Kululu decided. That thought brought on more tears.

He was a murderer. He had murdered one of the people he liked the most out of the people he knew. He had killed Tamama and Natsumi and Mois, too. He had killed everyone. Giroro was right, it was his fault.

Kululu found himself wishing that he had let Giroro strangle him to death.

They were all dead. All of them. Kululu had killed everyone the moment he caught that mouse on the boardwalk. The moment he first got the idea to make the virus.

No, they had all died earlier than that. They had died the moment he was given the order to make a steroid.

Kululu turned around and looked at the others, and was surprised when he couldn't see them. He frowned in confusion, and then realized that he wasn't wearing his glasses. He must have taken them off at some point.

"I'm sorry," he said to no one in particular. He replaced his glasses on his face and went over to where Dororo and Keroro sat crying. "I'm so sorry…"

He sat next to Dororo, because Dororo had to be first. He put his arms around the lance corporal's neck and hugged him. Dororo cried even harder and buried his face in Kululu's chest.

Kululu gently rubbed his back, and then he put the gun to Dororo's head and shot him.

Immediately after, he directed the weapon at Keroro, who didn't even have a chance to react, and killed him too.

Kululu felt numb. He was so, so tired. He couldn't feel anything except for exhaustion anymore.

He glanced over at where Giroro's body lay and wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

Kululu put Giroro's gun in his mouth and squeezed the trigger again. There wasn't even any pain, just a loud noise and then silence and a pressing darkness.

Kululu kissed Giroro passionately on the mouth when he next saw him. The corporal tasted like blood.

* * *

 **this fic is so fukkn sad omfg i'm never gonna write something so tragic ever agAIN  
**

 **Everything was screaming forward only to abruptly be stropped. And now everyone's dead ;_;**

 **Ohhh, boy.**

 **Bye! I'm going to be writing something a lot more light-hearted next. I'm thinking perhaps another KuluGiro? But different from the last one. And I want it to be like a RomCom. Idk. We'll see. Unless anyone else has a suggestion? I don't write on request but if there's something you'd specifically like to see from me then you can suggest it and see if I do it. No promises though, lol.**

 **See you later~**


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